Something New
I am on week four (possibly five, but I could be exaggerating), of waking up at five a.m.
Former Callie hates Present Callie for saying this.
I would listen to people talk about how much more productive they are, how gorgeous the sun rise is, and how getting a head start on the day was just the *bees knees, and it made me feel badly about myself, so naturally, I disliked them.
However, after enough people started talking about it – people I respected and weren’t just talking about it to make me feel bad (because OBVIOUSLY this was what all the others were up to), I decided this was indeed a wonderful idea and I would try it.
Failed Attempts
Yet, every time I tried it, I had milk boobs. With full milk boobs comes a baby with a ferocious appetite and a keen sense of smell. I would leave my phone across the room so I would have to get out of bed to turn off the alarm (a tip I heard on a podcast once – go ahead and try it).
There are a couple problems with this idea in my particular home.
First of all, every morning, there was at least one child in our bed at the time my alarm would ring, or beep, or do the conga.
If it didn’t wake them up the first time I went to turn it off, it most certainly would the second, third or fourth time (as I used to have a serious problem with the snooze function on my phone, but eventually my husband was sick of being woken up several times before he had to wake up an hour later, and I formulated enough strength to stop hitting the most seductive of buttons)
When they would wake up, they would say things like, “Bud I wanna cudd-oh you,” and I would give in.
If I was lucky, and the alarm went off (repeatedly) without anyone else waking up, I would step as quietly as I could, but we live in a house build in 1917. Its floors are arthritic. They pop and creak with every step.
So, I would walk like a deer prancing in slow mo, (often quoting Arya Stark: “Swift as a deer. Quiet as a shadow.”) but by the time I would arrive at the top step, the resident nursing baby was not fooled and would wake up from all the racket.
To be clear, the one requesting to cuddle, as noted earlier, was not the same one nursing. I’m all for nursing as long as possible, but I personally would have found it a bit unsettling if my child had enough cognitive wherewithal to request my boob and/or cuddling in the same breath.
Ok, but, let’s even say it was a morning when the floors had expanded due to heat (which makes them quieter: science), no one woke up to the alarm (except for me, of course), and I made it to the first step unscathed. Let’s even say I got all the way downstairs and into our kitchen.
Friends, I swear to you: each and every one of my babies had an olfactory alarm system. They could smell if my breasts had moved beyond a 5 yard radius. No creaks. No alarm. But they still would wake up and cry and I would have to go upstairs before I even managed to grind the coffee beans.
The Dawning of A New Era
I can finally say this without crying: I no longer have any babies. Our youngest is three and she sleeps as if she has been drugged (only rarely has she), so the worst that happens is she wakes up and I tell her it’s OK and she goes back to sleep.
We had a bit of a snafu a couple of times. She and her sister tried to come downstairs at 5:30.
The first time they tried, I just looked at them, saying no, and pointed back upstairs. I think they could tell by the fire in my eyes that they had better head back up or mommy was going to morph into the terrible monster who talks about never having time to herself again.
The second time, I think I told them it was still night time (which, it kind of still was).
The Proverbs Wife Stigma
Ok, as I mentioned, I used to really dislike it when people, especially women, would tell me how vital it is to get up in the morning for some quiet time before their families woke up. Usually they would talk about reading their Bible, thus embodying the proverbial wife and mother they were.
This used to piss me off, if I’m honest, because it very much felt like they were saying if I didn’t, there was something wrong with me, and on a spiritual level. I want all of you to know, if you are reading this and you are unable to get out of bed before 9:00, there is nothing wrong with you.
Maybe you are more of a night owl, or maybe you have small babies, or maybe this idea just sounds terrible to you. This is more than OK. I have just found something, finally, which works for me, and it’s pretty great, and I want to share it with all of you, in case you want to give it a try.
PS the whole “Proverbs Wife” thing is actually way misunderstood, and it was never meant to be a weapon used to make those of us in less domestic roles feel less godly. Rachel Held Evans wrote a great article about it here and she explains it was actually written for men, to honor their women. Imagine that.
An Invitation
Anyway, if this whole morning thing sounds intriguing to you, and you are doing it, not because you feel guilted into it, but because you genuinely want to, I definitely think it’s worth a shot, and I know you can do it if you really want to.
It’s taken me 8 years of attempting this, so I obviously can judge no-one. (OK, it was 35 years, really. Although, I probably was waking up in the early morning for the first three or four of those, keeping my own mother from any alone time she may have wanted).
The older I get, the less being alone makes me lonely and the more it makes me feel alive. I’m with people all. day. long. I love my people. Like I love them fiercely. BUT, my fierce love can turn into fierce anger if I have had zero time to myself.
Waking up at 5 gives me the time to clarify my thoughts, clean out the eye boogers, and go to the bathroom without someone coming in asking me to help them find their shoes. It’s glorious
Also, just like you’ll hear from all the early risers, I really do feel like it gives me a head start.
My routine is usually: let the dog out, make coffee, check social (with a limit of 10 minutes), write 500 words or more, and then go for a walk with Tank (my dog).
On our walks, I love thinking about how everyone else, in every house we walk by, is still sleeping, but I’ve already accomplished writing and coffee. I like head starts. They make me feel like I’m cheating, but they are totally legal.
If I miss an early morning, even after doing this for just a few weeks, I feel off all day long. I know I’ve lost an hour and a half I can’t get back and I am at least 75% more likely to snap at one of my children when they still don’t have their shoes on, ten minutes and 20 requests after I initially told them to put their shoes on.
Anyway, I guess this post is an admission that I have seriously been missing out on something amazing for way too long.
And remember, this is only for you, if it’s for you, but it’s kind of like I have found this secret club – like all of these people (ok maybe only a couple) who are out walking before anyone else and we look at each other and sort of do the Jeep wave, but it’s not, because we’re not driving – we’re walking obviously, but it’s like we know what so many others don’t know and it’s awesome, and we feel like freaking superior rock stars.
So yeah, if you want to join us, I’d totally love to give you a little head nod, or let my dog sniff your butt tomorrow morning. I feel like I couldn’t just be doing this amazing thing, and keep it a secret.
I’m An Imposter and you can be too
Putting myself in the morning person category is strange and foreign and akin to saying “I’m a yachtsman”, or “I just joined Mensa”, or “don’t mind me – I’ll just be at my weekend home in the Hamptons.” It feels good to say though, and at least for now, it’s true.
I’m not sure if the other morning people will be ok with me sharing, because maybe if we talk about it too much then everyone will be waking up at the butt crack of dawn and the whole point of getting up before everyone else will be ruined, and then we’ll have to start at 3 a.m. to get ahead of the early bird “wannabes” and the entire sleep cycle will be ruined for everyone.
Given I am a morning person imposter, I will just go ahead and break any rules which may exist and they can withhold any morning greeting they want out of feelings of betrayel. Tank will probably still sniff their butt, though.
Any of the rest of you early risers? What’s your routine? Tell me below!
*Did you know bee’s knees comes from the belief that the knees of a bee are the sweetest part as it is where all the nector is collected? Also Merriam-Webster uses “cat’s meow” in its definition of bees knees. I can’t think of two better phrases to be linked together in their representation of awesomeness.