Explanation of Absence

Friends.  I got a puppy.  I have been preoccupied with said puppy as he beguiles me with his adorable cuteness and frustrates me with his frequent poop and pee sprinkles all over the floors of my house.  (I am sharing a handful of puppy photos to make up for being gone.  Tank has his own insta account.  Follow him @monsieurtank if you want more!)

We also hosted both sides of our family for Thanksgiving for the first time, which. was. awesome. (seriously – no sarcasm.  It was honestly awesome.)  I have wanted to host for so long but just haven’t been able to because of my rebellious body, so an enormous prayer of thanksgiving was sent up for finally being able to invite our family into our home and show them the hospitality that they have so freely given us for our entire lives.  I was also able to thank them for their support during the worst of my illness, which felt so good, and yeah, fine, you’re right. I cried.

Also, this is something I keep pretty quiet about on river and quill, as I never want any of you to feel that there is any agenda other than to give you encouragement and support, but I have been ramping up my essential oil business.  I have seen God’s enormous blessing as He helps grow my business and I have been teaching classes, going to vendor events, and investing a good amount of my time there as well.  If you’re interested in learning more about how to live a chemical free life, check out my page at gingersunshine.com   I am making you a promise right now though that this blog will never be a place where I sell anything to you.  The only thing for sale here is hope, but I want you to know, truthfully, a part of my life that has been growing and is creating a huge amount of joy.

Life, therefore, while being awesome, has also been extremely busy.  I finally caught a moment on this Sunday morning, the pup asleep on my lap, to get out Part 3 of the Grief Series.  If you haven’t read Part 1 or Part 2, be sure to check them out and then come on back!


We live in a society that tends to associate negative emotion with negativITY.  Positive emotion: good.  Negative emotion: bad.  We have a difficult time admitting the darker, raw, and, what I believe, most true emotions.

We fear that if we admit our pain or our sadness that we are somehow weak or less than.   Can I tell you something?  Admitting where you are coming undone, where stitches are ripping, is the first step toward mending and sewing things back together.   Telling your friends you are depressed shows great strength.  Sharing the truth of your feelings to yourself is another fantastic place to start.

Recently, I gave permission to someone to be sad.  It’s funny that we, as grown adults, need this, but we do.  I will extend it to all of you.  You have my permission to be sad, and you have my permission to feel frustrated and desperate.  

Kubler-Ross and Kessler write that “grief enters at a deeper level” here.1  We are different.  Our bodies are different.  Life is different.  We’re sad, but that isn’t something to be afraid or ashamed of.  Allowing ourselves the sadness allows us to “sit with it”, to get to know it, and eventually, to say good-bye to it.

I talk in depth about the depression I experienced, including suicidal thoughts, in my post, “Why You Should Avoid Suicide and Read This Blog Post”.  Please read it if you are feeling alone, depressed, and/or entertaining suicidal thoughts.  While depression is a very natural thing to go through in your grief, you don’t have to go it alone, and you should never keep thoughts of self harm to yourself.  Find someone you trust and tell them.  Cry to them.  Hit them.  Okay, maybe don’t hit them.  But find them and talk to them.  Like, now.

If you don’t have someone you can trust, click here to chat with or call someone who will keep you and your conversation completely confidential: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Alright.  So, you have my permission be sad.  Be sad and get to know your ugly passenger (grief).  Permission granted.  You do not, however, have my permission to stay there.  Wallow as you need.  I am one heck of an amazing wallower.

But, remember that the body CAN heal.  Remember that your physical self doesn’t have anything on the you without the skin.   I’ll be back next week with the final part of the Grief Series: all about acceptance.

Until then, if you like what you read, please be sure to subscribe!  I keep writing if you keep reading!   Also, please share this post!  I guarantee you that you have friends who need to hear that they are not alone.  Please help me spread the message of hope!

1 Kubler-Ross, E, & Kessler, D. (2005). On grief and grieving, finding the meaning of grief through the five stages of loss. New York, NY: Scribner.